This is where I always belong. Yes Singlehood! And hey yes Im back to singlehood and Im really glad being back home with no restrictions and whatever.
When I was five, I wanted cookies. When I was 10, I wanted to go everywhere adults go. At age 16 I wanted a later curfew, an invitation to the prom, a driver's license and the keys to the car. The endless list of things I've desired over the years has included: a college degree, a tan, a job, a better job, a raise, a boyfriend, a better boyfriend, a husband, a baby, health, a better relationship with my parents, a better relationship with God, and world peace.
Currently, I'm finding myself wanting more time, more sleep, more storage space, and well... cookies. Such is life. We graduate from one desire to the next. We live in a constant state of wanting. We are creatures of want.
Wanting, focusing on goals, is a positive thing. It can help us grow. A baby's desire for a toy that is out of reach motivates him to learn to crawl. But wanting can also have a negative effect. Focusing on a future goal can take your focus away from the here and now. Being distracted from your current situation can rob you of the potential that the moment holds. It doesn't matter if what you want is noble, worthy, and provides positive benefit. If it causes you to ignore the present, it has this negative aspect.
The Lonely Cookie
If the object of your desire is marriage, you might be spending a lot of time concerned about the future. You may feel like real life is still waiting for you, out there, after you meet your soul mate. The life you are living now is a stopgap until your number is called and you get to walk down the aisle to your brand new life, the life you are focused on, the life you want.
The danger in this situation is that you could miss seeing the potential that lies in the current moment. This danger, of focusing on what we want to the detriment of recognizing the potential of our current situation, exists more for singles than for other individuals who don't have what they want. No want is equal to the desire of a significant other when it comes to how society views us, and how we view ourselves.
It means alone, apart from the object of your desire. When you look at any other group that is without their object of desire, they are not called "alone." Would you ever describe someone who wanted a cookie as lonely?
And that's why it's so crucial to realize: The current situation, looking for your soul mate, has a certain potential for growth that will never exist again at any other time in life. Right now is an opportunity. Right now is a gift.But if you are too focused on getting hitched, you may miss taking advantage of this precious time in your life.
What's The Point
The first step in realizing the potential of the moment is to appreciate that there are no accidents. You are not single by accident. There has to be a reason, a purpose. God can work things out. God is all good. He has decided that right now, this is the best thing for you. So if he isn't working things out the way you'd like, there must be meaning and potential in your current situation.
During this stage of singlehood we discover our need to give. And this is the time for developing our desire to give. This is the "now" of being single. Singlehood is the time to develop the craving, the absolute burning desire to give. This is where the pain of being single comes from. Developing an awareness of this need to give, and not having the fullest opportunity to express it.
Real giving means to look at what the other person needs. Learning to understand a person's real needs is the primary skill required for a successful marriage. Giving is only meaningful when it takes into consideration what the receiver needs, not what you want or are able to give. When you focus on the needs of others you are developing sensitivity toward them. You grow into the other person's world and begin to understand them on a very deep level.
Singlehood is the time to practice becoming a giver. Look around you for opportunities to develop as a giver. Are there poor people? Sick? An elderly neighbor? A lonely relative? Get out of your mindset and see how the other person thinks. This is the first step towards meaningful giving, to becoming the greatest "you" -- in preparation for your soul mate.
Now is the time....